Personal Growth Topics
Cooperation: How?
“Cooperation #1: Why?” was about why we cooperate and how to decide whether to cooperate or compete. This topic is about how to actually do the cooperating. THE CONVERSATION We could come up with some nonverbal examples of good cooperation but most of the...
Cooperation: Why?
People who want to control us say, “All I want is for you to cooperate.” What they really mean is, “Go along with me or I’ll accuse you of not being cooperative.” Cooperation isn’t about giving up what you want. It isn’t about...
Couples: Passive and Controlling Partners
PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER? Passive people usually find controlling partners. Controlling people usually find passive partners. They are “perfect” for each other. In apparently opposite ways, each person aims at controlling the other. Passive people are...
Depression In The Culture
CHRONIC MILD DEPRESSION Professionals refer to ongoing, mild depression as “dysthymic disorder.” People who do not know the jargon tend to say much clearer things like: “I just feel blah all the time.” “I’m sick and tired of how my...
Depression: The Problem
WHAT MAKES US DEPRESSED? We get angry about twenty times a day. If we believe our anger is bad or that it’s scary to be angry, we keep it inside. The unexpressed anger builds up. It takes so much energy to keep it bottled up that we get tired from all that...
Depression: What To Do About It
BE ANGRY OR BE DEPRESSED Depressed people are angry people who don’t admit it to themselves. They tend to say nothing when they should be saying: “Get out of my way!” Anger is a natural emotion which occurs whenever something is in our way. We...
Discipline
FEARFULNESS The most troubled adults I know are those who were frightened as children by extreme physical abuse or psychological terror. Their parents called it “discipline.” The more horrendous the beatings and the more frightening the threats, the longer...
Do You Think You Can’t?
You are incapable of something if you are physically unable to do it. You are capable of something if you are physically able to do it. If you were hired to do something your mind just can’t comprehend, you are incapable of those duties. If you want to walk up a...
Employment
JOB SEEKING If you are in the envious situation of being able to look for new work while having a current means of support, spend the first month or so applying for jobs you would like to have but which seem “way over your head”. The experience you get at...
False Memories And Responsibility
There has been a lot in the media about “false memory syndrome.” There’s even an organization devoted to helping people who have been falsely accused of sexual abuse. As a therapist, I have some very strong views about this, of course. This article...
Fantasy and Reality – Part 1
Part One is a bit theoretical. Part Two will be more practical. NEVER THE TWAIN…. Popular culture says we are “crazy” if we can’t tell fantasy from reality. If that’s the definition, then we are all crazy. (No news there!) The key to...
Fantasy and Reality – Part 2
Part One was mostly theoretical. Part Two is more practical. SUMMARY OF PART ONE Fantasy is all mental activity. Reality is what we know through our senses. Fantasy should only be used for entertainment and for brief problem solving. HOW IT HELPS TO TELL THE...
Feel Safe By “Safing Yourself”
UNNECESSARY FEAR Everyone feels unnecessary fear sometimes. Some people feel it almost constantly. When you feel this way, you know you are scaring yourself mentally and that you need to stop it. But stopping it can be difficult. How can you make it easier to stop?...
Feeling Like You Belong
We all want to have the sense that we belong among people we know. Where do we really belong? What makes us feel less like we belong? What makes us feel more like we belong? WHERE DO YOU BELONG? You belong where you say you belong! The decision about whether you...
Feeling Safe
Throughout 95 percent of human history, staying safe was something we did! Now, since most of us have pretty safe lives, it is something we want to feel. PROTECTING YOURSELF IN THE REAL WORLD If there is a real threat in your life (an abusive family member, someone...
Finding Purpose
We all want the sense that we have fulfilled our purpose in life. Therapy clients in particular, after they have conquered most of their demons, feel a strong desire to find new purpose. With their unhealthy goals now eliminated, they wonder: “How will I spend...
Getting Enough Attention
“HE’S ONLY DOING IT FOR THE ATTENTION” What a ridiculous statement! Getting attention is vital for all of us. As infants we would actually die if we didn’t get enough attention, and as adults we are miserable and can actually go crazy if we are...
Getting Practical #2: Relationships, Couples, Families, and Careers
Therapists are often accused of not being very practical. After we explain how some problem works, we frequently hear: “OK, Fine. But what should I DO About it?!” Therapists don’t give a lot of practical advice because it usually doesn’t work....
Growing Up Emotionally
THE DAY WE GREW UP Most of us can remember the day we grew up. It was the day our parents did us the favor of being so unreasonable that we said good-bye to our dependence on them forever and entered into the adult world of choices. Looking back, we realize that the...
Guidelines For Emotional Health
I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...
