EVERYONE:
Personal
Growth Topics

TONY'S BASICS:
A Guide
to Feelings

COUPLES:
Analyze Your
Relationship

Do you think this way?
Do you talk like this?
Which of these next three statements sounds like you?

Undeserving-of-Anything Little Ol' Me:
"I'm so sorry to have to bother you but I wonder if maybe you could possibly consider taking the time to have a look at this little thing I'm having trouble with to see if maybe you could�."

Entitled-to-Everything Big Ol' Me:
"Hey Buddy, over here! I need some help with this thing right now and I don't want you lookin' around and actin' like I'm not here when I'm talkin' to you. You gotta help me with this damn thing because�"

Respectful, Trusting, And Ready:
"Hi. How you doin'? Got a minute? I've got a problem I'd like some help with�"

UNDESERVING PEOPLE

People who apologize constantly and think they are a bother
seem to believe they don't deserve to be alive.
They were treated as if they were a useless burden earlier in their lives
and now they believe it.

ENTITLED PEOPLE

People who are demanding and start arguments
seem to believe the world revolves around them.
But down deep they believe they are worthless too.

They come from families in which everyone was treated terribly.
So they believe this is how the whole world works.
They'd rather start fights than wait until someone else does.

TRUSTING PEOPLE

People who ask for what they want assertively but kindly
believe they can count on being treated well most of the time.
They had a mix of good and bad things in their childhood families
but they were treated respectfully
as separate, valuable human beings
even when things went wrong.

NEVER TOO LATE

If you think the way "undeserving" people think
or the way "entitled" people think,
it's not too late.

The way out is to understand and apply these words:
"I deserve to be treated well
but nobody owes me anything."

"I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WELL"

"Deserve" means "worthy, fit or suitable."
It does not mean "entitled."

Being born is proof enough
that you are worthy, fit, and suitable
to be treated well.

Even when people are angry with you for very good reason,
you deserve to be treated well.
Your screw-ups don't give them an excuse to purposely hurt you.

Everyone deserves to be treated well
including all children, strangers, and people in prison.

Purposeful mistreatment teaches purposeful mistreatment.
That's not what a child, a stranger, a prisoner, or anyone else needs to learn.

"NOBODY OWES ME ANYTHING"

We are only owed something when we have a signed contract that says so.
And even contracts can be worthless.

We can think that our partners and friends owe us what would make us happy,
or that our bosses owe us more than it says in our employment contract.
But they don't.
We are kidding ourselves.

We can ask for more,
but we aren't owed anything.

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER

We get ignored when we think we are undeserving.

We get hassled when we think we are entitled.

We get the other person's best when we
know we deserve to be treated well.

Please Tell Your Friends About This Site.

Enjoy Your Changes!

Everything here is designed to help you do just that!

Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee, WI) 

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