EVERYONE:
Personal
Growth Topics

TONY'S BASICS:
A Guide
to Feelings

COUPLES:
Analyze Your
Relationship

A good therapist provides many "permissions."
A permission is a statement that helps you feel "allowed" to do well.

The statements below are some of the many "permissions"
I've sent your way in these topics.

If you are looking for some good ideas to speed your changes,
you will find them here.

Please refer back to the original topics
when something seems particularly fitting for you.

PERMISSIONS FOR CHANGE

Permissions from "Life's Craziest Ideas"

IT'S OK�
� to make your world - the places you go and the things you do - safe.
� to decide that your world is safe.
� To accept that you will always be the most important person to please.
� To expect that you will always be changing, and you can speed up and direct your changes.
� To have friends who disagree with you about how scary the world is, about whether to please others, and about whether you can change.

Permissions from "Quitting Addictions"

IT'S OK�
� to admit you are addicted. (Most of us are, to one thing or another.)
� To get medication to help with the depression while you quit.
� To be afraid of how life will be without your addiction.
� To demand that you get enough support and help outside of your family, and to ask for it within the family.
� To use up your anger in any way that is safe for you and others.
� To treat yourself well when you fail along the way.
� To celebrate your successes.

Permissions from "Boundaries"

IT'S OK�
� to set and enforce your boundaries.
� To learn about other people's boundaries first, even if you have trouble with your own.
� To insist that people stop trying to help you when you didn't ask for their help.

Permissions from "Do You Think You Can't?"

IT'S OK�
� to refuse to do things even though you could do them.
� To admit you are capable.
� To rebel against expectations. [See "Are You Expecting Too Much?"]
� to know you don't have to do anything unless you've agreed to do it.

Permissions from "About Getting Close"

IT'S OK�
� to say you are sad and feel weak, instead of pretending you always feel strong.
� To say you are afraid and feel weak, instead of claiming you always feel strong.
� To say you are happy and feel weak, instead of claiming you always feel strong.
� To be comforted when you feel weak.

Permissions from "Commitments in Relationships"

IT'S OK�
� to ask for a commitment about anything that matters to you.
� To tell people you don't trust them when you don't.
� To ask directly for every commitment you want, instead of just assuming it's there.
� To not give second or third chances.

Permissions from "Clear Communication: #1"

IT'S OK�
� to always know what you want from each conversation.
� To take the time to figure out how both people can get what they want.
� To talk "sideways" (not as if you are either above or below the other person).

Permissions from "Clear Communication: #2"

IT'S OK�
� to care that the other person also gets what he or she wants.
� To state, and ask the other person to state, the relative importance of each thing that is wanted.
� To support the other person even while you confront them.

Permissions from "Stop Making Comparisons!"

IT'S OK�
� to stop making all kinds of comparisons.
� To compare yourself now to yourself in the past only if you are on a self-selected improvement program.
� To know it will be hard, and well worth your time and energy, to learn how to stop comparing.

Permissions from "Handling Criticism"

IT'S OK�
� to know that no behavior is acceptable to everyone, and that critical people will criticize anything.
� To ask for criticism when you want it.
� To refuse criticism you didn't ask for.
� To get away - temporarily or permanently - from people who continually criticize.

Permissions from "Depression: What To Do About It"

IT'S OK�
� to know you get angry, to varying degrees, about twenty times a day.
� To admit you are angry instead of denying it and getting depressed.
� To feel safe while you are angry.
� To look for ways to overcome depression in every one of these topics!

Please Tell Your Friends About This Site.

Enjoy Your Changes!

Everything here is designed to help you do just that!

Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee, WI) 

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