Personal Growth Topics
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...
Should We Blame Our Parents?
The answer to this question can be stated quickly and clearly, but understanding the answer can take a lifetime. THE QUICK ANSWER: Don’t blame your parents unless you have to. But do hold them, and yourself, RESPONSIBLE. AN EXAMPLE: “THE STUPID...
Stages of Therapy
Therapy is unique. Each client, each therapist, and each meeting are one of a kind. But if we look at therapy from a great enough distance we can see that there are eight predictable stages in the process. GETTING READY It all starts when we notice that certain...
Stop Making Comparisons!
A HOT TIP Want a hot tip about how to quickly and permanently improve how you feel? STOP MAKING COMPARISONS! All kinds of comparisons! TWO KINDS OF COMPARISONS Remember the last time you heard someone make a comparison about you. They might have said: “You look...
Subconscious Life Scripts
WHAT IS A ‘SCRIPT’? A script is a subconscious life plan made by a small child. Once this plan is made, it influences the whole course of that person’s life. I am going to be telling you about the usual way scripts work. But, since scripts are so...
Success
A STORY OF FAILURE A 28 year old man came to therapy because his wife insisted, under threat of divorce. He talked only of his business, saying nothing at all about his wife, his children, or his friends. He had built a successful business which he recently sold at a...
Taking Care of Yourself
Do you think you know Michael Jackson well? How about Bill Clinton? Oprah Winfrey? Julia Roberts? Adolph Hitler? We think we know these famous people quite well even though we’ve never even shared a cup of coffee with them. They are too well known to be...
Talking To Yourself
In old movies, if you wanted to show that someone was really crazy you’d show them talking to themselves. Even if they were only doing it mentally, it was supposed to be a sure sign of mental illness.What’s really bizarre about this is that the act of...
Teenagers
WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO PROVE? Teenagers are trying to prove to themselves that they don’t need anyone. If you get in the way of this natural process, you will face big trouble. If you convince them that they do need you, they may never grow up and never...
The Three Stages Of Relationships
THREE STYLES OF RELATIONSHIPS People generally tend to relate to each other in one of three ways: Dependently, Independently, or Interdependently. People in dependent relationships spend much of their time fighting about who has to take care of whom. People in...
Were You Loved As A Child?
Many people scoff whenever this topic comes up. “What difference does it make now?” they ask. “There are some people who like me now, and maybe some of them even love me.” “So what, if I wasn’t loved as a child!?” That’s...
What Helps?
Sometimes we want to be helpful to an adult friend who is feeling bad. How can we offer personal help to a friend? How can we guard against damaging our relationship with them in the process? THREE GUIDING PRINCIPLES 1) Do you really want to help? 2) Are you willing...
What Is A Therapist’s Job?
This topic comes from an e-mail letter I received a few months back. I’ve only done some minor editing. THE LETTER I RECEIVED: What is the job of a therapist? To listen? Anybody can do that, and for free! I’ve had two therapists that just stole my money....
What Terror Does To Us
I am writing this a few weeks after an attack on the United States by terrorists. I could have written this about many other terrors adults sometimes face, such as living without adequate food and water, living with chronic physical abuse, living with someone who is...
What To Tell A Therapist
If you’ve never been in therapy you might wonder what people talk about week after week in those oh-so-private little offices. That’s what I’m going to tell you. If you are in therapy now this topic can help you to decide what to talk about if you...
Who Can You Trust?
ABOUT “CONS” In the general population about one out of ten people are completely untrustable. They are called “cons” and they live by these “rules”: 1) Only fools tell the truth. 2) If you can get by with it, it’s OK. 3) Joy...
Who Is A Therapist?
Therapy is essentially a healthy relationship. Teaching occurs. Emotions are expressed. Ideas are exchanged and examined. But none of these is primary. What is primary is the relationship between the client and the therapist. The healthier this relationship can be,...
Who Is The Real You?
It’s the classic question of all time: “Who Am I?” Am I the conscious me… the guy who works and plays and thinks and is aware of himself? Am I the subconscious me… the person with deep, hidden desires I don’t even know about? Am I the spiritual me… driven by spiritual...
Who Needs Help?
If you wonder if you are normal, the answer is definitely “No.” You aren’t normal because normal is only an idea, not a reality. Normalcy just isn’t worth discussing. But I do have my own opinions about what is typical or average in our...
Who’s Healthy?
The best measure of emotional health is: How well do we handle the problems and opportunities we face in our daily lives? If you are extremely neurotic but you’ve found a way to survive a difficult life, you are far healthier than those who avoid such labels...
